


I'm not afraid. I'm mesmerized.

by tetsuskitten



Category: Free!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 19:17:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3661851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsuskitten/pseuds/tetsuskitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin can't deal with his anger and cries a lot. Aiichirou is sweet and calm and the sea that soothes Rin's rage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not afraid. I'm mesmerized.

“I’m not afraid. I’m mesmerized.”

Rin, who sat in his bed, hands in his face covering up his messy sobbing, looks up. Those simple words lighting a spark inside of him, a spark of hope, hope that someone he was in love with maybe wasn't scared of him after all, even after the way he had treated him, even after shouting and showing off his pointy shark teeth. He wanted to tell Aiichirou he should never have underestimated him, that he was brave, that his presence brought comfort and ease, but he felt as if he shouldn’t talk right now, because Aiichirou was talking and it sounded important because Ai was standing and he had a crazy twinkle in his eyes, he looked ready to say the things Rin had been dying to hear and maybe if he wasn’t that was okay, Rin liked to hear Aiichirou talk, it was sweet and calming so he figured he should for once stay quiet and listen.

“I don’t know what you have been through because you haven’t told me yet but it must have been bad, you must have suffered a lot because whatever happened blinded you. Senpai, maybe I shouldn’t say these things but I feel as if I’ll suffocate if I don’t let you know that you’re worth a lot! You have so much potential and you know it to be true. You are better than you say you are. You are better than you _think_ you are.”

There was a pause and Nitori took a moment to breathe.

“I must also tell you I hate to be yelled at and I ask you not to do it again. I feel you don’t know how to deal with your anger but if you let me help senpai, maybe I could be of use.”

Another pause and Rin’s eyes haven’t left Aiichirou’s for the whole time the younger boy had been talking. Aiichirou swallows as if what he will say next might have bad repercussions but he doesn’t show fear, he needs Rin to know everything, _almost_ everything.

“And senpai…I care about you.”

Silence. Aiichirou’s confidence and bravery was starting to wash away and he was starting to feel nervous because Rin hadn’t uttered a single word and now he was getting antsy so he started talking and babbling away.

“I’m sorry if this was really stupid of me to say! I just wanted senpai to be happy and to know I’m proud even though that probably doesn’t mean much coming from me but despite that it’s good to know people are proud of us and senpai just seemed so down so I just-”

Aiichirou’s ramble was cut by his own gasp when Rin got up abruptly and wrapped his big arms around the grey-haired boy. Rin who had stopped crying was crying again, slower this time, more silent. Aiichirou finally grasped reality and hugged Rin back, rubbing his back as to sooth the thunderstorm inside of Rin because that always helped Aiichirou calm down. It helped Rin too. When Rin pulled back, he was a mess. Wet trails where tears had made their way down to Ai’s shirt, his face red – from crying but also because he was embarrassed, his eyes puffy and his lips swollen and red from biting back tears. _But still beautiful_ , thought Aiichirou.

Rin avoided Ai’s gaze now, embarrassed to look the other boy in the eye and quietly thanked him, retracting back to his spot on his bed. Aiichirou watched him silently and then spoke.

“I have some work I need to finish so if you need me I’ll be in the library. Okay, senpai?”

Rin didn’t answer. Ai sighed.

“Senpai?” Aiichirou insisted.

“Stay.” Aiichirou didn’t speak.

“Do your work here, I won’t trouble you.” Rin assured. So Aiichirou stayed because he wanted to and not because Rin asked him to. He didn’t need the library anyway, here was even quieter. And he figured Rin probably didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t know he was a comforting presence in the room and in Rin’s life, he didn’t know he balanced the good and the bad, he didn’t know how less angry Rin was when Aiichirou was around or how peaceful Rin felt when Aiichirou smiled. Aiichirou was very naïve in a way he wasn’t aware of how much better he made this world, how much better he made Rin. It might have been cliché but a few months from then, when Rin would confess, he would tell Aiichirou that falling in love with him had made him a better person, and he wasn’t lying. He was still an angry shark but loving Ai dulled the anger.

For now, Rin kept quiet, loving Aiichirou in safe agonizing silence even though it was obvious Aiichirou was fond of him as well. But that night, on that awfully vulnerable day when he cried wrapped in Aiichirou’s arms, that night was the first night sleeping side by side with Aiichirou. It was innocent, of course. Rin just didn’t want to sleep alone and Aiichirou did not refuse when the red-head asked if, just for tonight, Aiichirou could sleep beside him. And Rin was thankful, because his bed was warmer with Aiichirou in it – and so was his heart. Because ever so gently Aiichirou intertwined their fingers together and it felt safe. And in the morning the embarrassment wouldn’t matter nor would the sweaty palms because they blushed and laughed and Rin was _happy_. There was lightness inside of him and even when swimming at practice he felt better, lighter, he would even dare to say he felt freer.

And he knows it was another cliché to say: Your love set me free, but it was the truth. He didn’t feel heavy anymore, he felt confident. He felt determined and looking forward to competing, because win was in his blood and he believed in himself, as did Aiichirou. He didn’t think about quitting again and in the future he would fulfill all of his dreams. His first one: becoming a Olympic Swimmer, which he did and won gold – Aiichirou cheering in the crowd with everyone else but Rin felt him in the water, heard his cheering in his ears, knew what only lovers know: when you love, the person you love is always alongside you, in everything you do and even more when you do what you love. And his other dream: Marrying Aiichirou Nitori. Which he also fulfilled, crying all the way through the vows but he did. And he still tells Aiichirou that was the best day of his life and Aiichirou always smiles, his eyes crinkling and tells him.

“Mine too.”

 

 


End file.
